Defriending facebook and meeting Moe & Gym (Jim)

So for the month of May Ive decided to implement a few changes to better spend my time.

I concluded that I spend too much time reading the mindless drivel that emanates from my associates on the recently valued $30 billion social website. Its not so much that facebook is the axis of evil as some of those in the baby boomers would have you believe but it has in ways made me sub-consciously lazy. Over the first three days of deactivating my account I have noticed that whenever I have a quiet moment or downtime I have a sudden pang to log onto 'the book' much like a smoker feels the need for another nail in the coffin when the moment arises. Ive had this habit for the past three years ever since facebook became accessible via I-phone, on the bus, on my lunch break.... not on my lunch break.

There have been times when I have logged off facebook only to log back on in moments of excruciating boredom and noticed nothing has been updated whatsoever. Another alarm bell rang when I was logged onto the website via mobile and I-pad concurrently. It is true that sometimes I panic when realising I no longer have the itch of logging on to scratch but then I try remember what it was like days pre- face book. I'm not a huge watcher of television, this stems from my days at CIT studying Communication and Media where like a magician revealing a trick they ruined the magic of the idiot box.

In my younger mis-guided days this time was often spent 'socialising' with friend's at the pub playing pool and pumping tunes through the Duke box.  Which leads me to my next point, as a result of habit and in order to pro-long my lifespan somewhat I regularly submit myself to detoxing after an arduous cricket/drinking season. As you can imagine this leads to a lot of 'downtime' time that on previous attempts have been met with excessive facebook and solitaire to fill the void.

Smoking is another vice which is associated with 'socialising' and another vice shelved during the detox period (with the intent of shelving it for good). In order to fill the gaping hole left in my life I have signed up to Club Lime, the Gold Creek edition. Gold Creek is creating a niche for itself with a village sporting gymnasium, tennis courts, golf course and eateries within a small vicinity.

For the first time visitor the gym can be an intimidating place to begin, for starters many avid gym enthusiasts have been working on their poses in gymnasium mirrors around the capital for many years. Its a bit like church, the actual building is fine it just gets ruined by the dick head's that participate inside. If I were an martian looking down on a weights room for the first time I'd assume that the key to lifting heavy objects is grunting loudly, excessive breathing and a strut that includes the carrying of invisible watermelons.

But once you become accustomed to the excessive amounts of testosterone floating around the place, there are some benefit's to be had. Primarily you are doing something good for yourself, the body was made to move, so it makes sense to make it stronger and fitter and the only way to do that is to move it. Secondly there are like minded females worthy of a sideways glance doing the same, there are the female equivalents of the men around but there are also some humane ones and finally not all blokes going to the gym are stereotypical meatheads. Infact, I have met quite a few friends from other walks of life who attend and are now gym buddies. The friend you have who motivates you to go when you're really not feeling it and push a long with the odd spot here and there, the bonus of meeting these people from outside the gym is you have something in common other than pumping out of few sets.

It may have even come to the point now where I wake up and if I don't make it to see my mate Jim I feel somethings awry. Occasionally I have found myself taking a cheeky peek in the mirrors to see if there have been any recent developments in the guns department.

The other past time which has been a long term bad habit is golf... much like cricket, it is a game when going well is like shelling pea's and when it goes badly enough to put the competitor in a mental asylum. Unfortunately my state of play puts me in the latter category, all too often I only seem to get one or two facets of play down pat while the other two go out the backdoor. Once in a blue moon my driving off the tee will show up to the party only for my stronger suits (irons and short game) to make a hasty exit. I have been told by numerous so called experts that I should be playing off a single figured handicap, with the numbers I have been returning that dream is as far away as my burning ambition to marry Jessica Alba.

Then the other night, whilst looking after Andre the giants cat, I caught site of surfing super star Kelly Slater being interviewed on the golf show. On first appearance his swing seemed awkward and rigid but the ball went a long the right course, it turns out he plays off 5 and has a great deft of hand with the putter in reach. Slater modelled his swing on an eccentric character by the name of Moe Norman. Moe played back in the 70's and it was believed he had a case of undiagnosed autism, Moe's theory was if that's the way god made him, then that was the way he was supposed to be.

As convention was not Moe's strong suit, he constructed a swing phrased 'the one plane swing', without getting into technicalities he essentially and ingeniously (sometimes a by product of autism) simplified the swing to make it far easier to hit solid, pure strikes every time. Moe was renown as the the cleanest, straightest ball striker of his generation (he could lay a blanket on a fair way and hit a four iron on to it at will.) Unfortunately due to his idiosyncratic personality which was at odds with the stiff and rigid officials of the day (possibly because of the 9 iron implanted up their rectums) he was sadly pushed away from the US PGA and moved back to compete in Canada where his unique charm was welcomed by those that loved his gentle nature. Thankfully before he passed away in 2004 he was recognised by the same authority that shunned him for his achievements and innovations to the great game.

Sceptically I ventured to the range the following day to test Moe's theory. The first ball I hit with the adjustments went left... far left 'Oh well, nothing unusual there, nothing ventured nothing gained' I reasoned. Again next shot far left but clean, there was no hooking, it was a clean pull left, just like the first. The next ten balls I hit were all clean as the catholic church (sarcasm) but to the left so I made the adjustment of aiming far right. To anyone who has tried this when hooking the ball will know it is an open invitation for old mate slice to join the party... but it didn't. I wasn't hitting them straight, I was pulling them across my body but they were coming off flush and more importantly all landing in the same vicinity. Those who have witnessed my game will note this occurrence is less frequent than an apology from the church mentioned above. Progress was being made.

Clearly something wasn't quite right, Im yet to witness on the tour to date aiming at the next fairway in an attempt to hit their own but something was also going well... very well as I hadn't mis-hit a ball since implementation. With ten balls to go, I made the ever so slight adjustment of swinging the club on a more upright path rather than swinging around myself. BINGO... bang clean, pure and most importantly STRAIGHT, dead straight... excitingly for all you fellow hackers out there the next 9 balls were more of the same. It goes without saying, I CAN NOT wait to hit the links to further test this theory... Im hoping against hope that it wasn't just a fluke... but surely I couldn't fluke 30 odd clean shots on the trot.

If you haven't already I recommend you Youtube the name Moe Norman now.

Matthew Newtons mental health problem.

Poor Matthew Newton.... he has found himself in trouble with the authorities once again in the US of A. Matthew suffers from a mental illness, his dilemma is he suffers from an acute case of 'being a cunt'. It is not an issue to be taken lightly and its treatment not easy to come by, unfortunately prescription medication and cognitive therapy are rendered useless.

The most effective therapy known comes in the form of a 6 foot 7 Samoan by the name Jonah to grab the sufferer by the collar and punching the 'cunt' of him similar to the way the priest exorcises the demon from Regan MacNeil in the 1973 classic The Exorcist.

Seriously what a joke.... there are genuine cases of mental illness which people deal with on a daily basis, I'm unaware of any of them which directly lead to the abuse of women, cab drivers, bar staff and hotel clerks. The fact he is attempting to use mental illness as an excuse for his impetuous and aggressive behavior is a disgrace and should taken into account against not for him when he faces the judge. He makes no attempt to improve his behavior, instead fleeing the country and hiding behind this smoke screen he has created for himself.

Meanwhile, there are people with genuine mental illness' depression, addiction, anxiety issues who day by day struggle to keep there heads above water. Ben Cousin's has been dragged from pillar to post by an melodramatically infatuated media who seems to have very little understanding or empathy of his plight. They fail to comprehend how a Brownlow medalist, All Australian, Premiership winner can be an addict, they don't understand the fact that mental illnesses don't discriminate.  Either they don't understand or don't care so long as their next story makes headlines, recent footage of an enraged Cousin's pushed to the limits screaming at a reporter who had followed him on a flight and then proceeded with a badgering line of questioning exemplify this. It was an ugly incident and I'm sure he regrets it but to a degree it is understandable.

Some are of the belief once you become famous and earn a handsome wage at the public's expense then you open yourself up to this intrusion, I can't agree. When does it end, when you run out of money? When you ruin your career? When you lose your family? When you overdose?  It is a personal matter and he should get the same privacy an office worker with the same issues would.

It may seem that I am defending Ben, which maybe I am. I have heard statements from ill informed adjudicators which make me wonder how far we as a society really have come in regards to mental illness. 'I think Ben is just a party boy, how can an addict have the discipline to be an All Australian footballer?' came from Sam Newman.  'I think the documentary and book were just attention seeking exploits' was another. Just because he has documented his problems in the public domain by no way cures him from the day by day grind it will take him to beat his demons, writing a book while cathartic does not magically cure him.  People nowadays may be outwardly more inclined to be sympathetic but still lack education. 

My point is, Ben's issues are real and he more than anyone he realises he has to face them. The one person he hurts most is himself but he and many others dont go out of their way punching the lights out of people when they dont get their own way. Of course his family suffers the brunt of his burden, as all families in this situation do.

Newton to me, is a petulant brat.. the son of a famous Australian couple with no discernible qualities apart from a short temper and a feeble right hook. Possibly his frustration stems from a lack of talent which has so far me-eked out poor attempts at humor on 'Thank god your here' and the worlds worst attempted Kiwi accent in the second series of Underbelly. He is hiding behind a wall of a taboo subject in the hope it may gain some sympathy for a someone who doesn't deserve any. Until he puts his fists down no one is inclined to listen to him.

Hopefully the judge will find him guilty and imprison him for a period long enough for him to wake up to himself, his lesson might be more advanced with a cell mate similar in dimensions to Jonah.