After a few more years experience at the gym, here is another collection of stereotypes you will have to encounter if you aim to get in to shape:
Grunters - Do these blokes really think screaming the paint off the walls will result in MASSIVE gains!? Carrying on blissfully unaware everybody hopes they drop the bar bell on their throats so we never have to hear their blood curdling screams again. Stop grunting, stop groaning and if, possible stop breathing. No one wants to hear it, so here it is in a tone and pace you can understand... SHUT... THE... FUCK... UP!!
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| The Zimmer Press |
Pensioners - Their most recent trip to the doctor revealed a ticking time bomb, through necessity he-re they are trying to dial back the clock. Wearing gear one can only assume was 'in' back in the day's Olivia Newton John 'Lets get physical' was pumping out the stereo. Easily recognisable in their matching head and wristbands. Here through obligation, shifting minimal weight at minimal reps and could be knocked over by a stiff breeze, you can sense their hearts not really in it... which ironically is the reason they're here in the first place.
Early birds - Typically over achievers, setting up there day at the office with an endorphin rush at the local Fitness First. Up a sparrow's fart with ill fitting, arse creeping spandex, sleep in eyes and protein shake in hand. Ready to be lead by Lance Armstrong in the spin class before getting back into their expensive cars and heading for a productive day at work. Yes, I hate them too!
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| 'Cmon big boy- you can get it up!' |
Over encourager's - This species comes in pairs, can be seen comparing biceps, overheard playing one upmanship and discussing their lack of sexual prowess before they hit the gym and got huge. If they are to be believed they are now bonafide studs - despite having heads like smashed crabs. You can hear them throwing out such inspirational clichés as 'Pump it', 'Get it up', 'Smash it out' all at a volume above socially accepted norms - I cant help but wonder if they require this type of encouragement in the bedroom.
Classroom whingers - They make it every class and proceed to make it miserable for everyone involved. Feel it necessary to talk the teacher, fellow students and any poor bastard in earshot through every creak and crack in their aching bodies . No body cares, if its so difficult stay at home and tell it to the bloke who signed up for that shit, no one pays $20 an hour to listen to you whinge!!
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| Bikram Yoga: The first choice for serial sex pests. |
Classroom creepers - Can be seen loitering in classes targeted for women taking in some of the eye candy. Over dosed on testosterone and believe one look at them sans shirt will be enough to drive any self loathing woman in his direction. Can be seen offering attractive women 'form' tips in the weights room and don't mind encroaching a bit on personal space. Can be spotted sniffing around the back of a bikram yoga class while a bunch of twenty somethings practice their extended locus dressed with a piece of string.
- Part I -
