En-gal-lund part 4

Mick being the most organized and conscientious man alive, set the alarm for 6am local time..he figured that if he set his alarms and kept his body clock closely aligned to Australian time he would suffer less jet lag, it was either genius or OCD.

After a quick shower we strolled the sights of London, making our way past Buckingham Palace, Harrods, Big Ben and many other famous landmarks capturing photo's as we went. We walked past a statue and I noticed a security type figure patrolling the area with an eagle on a leash taped to his arm, when I asked what was its purpose Mick told me that because of the pigeon plague in London the eagle scared them away thus leaving the statue pigeon shit free. It was an enjoyable morning and after a continental breakfast in Michael's plush hotel, I made my way back to Croydon for yet another game of cricket.

I caught up with Menace and he chauffeured me to the game, it was a beautiful day for cricket and the first time I'd celebrated my birthday in summer. The wicket was a cracker and our skipper won the toss and we made first use of the conditions. I was batting fourth wicket down and after an impressive spell by their opening bowler I was out in the middle at 4/40 odd, as I made my way out I heard a cheeky snigger about my performances to date. I made my way to the crease and took 11 balls to get off the mark before getting one over pitched which I gratefully hammered over mid off for four (a by product of the Nuffield sixes the week before). I then proceeded to scratch around to about 50 odd with a few decent shots in between, once I got to fifty I attempted a cheeky reverse sweep but put it in the kit bag after copping it on the forearm. From then on I hit my last fifty off just 19 balls, I have never before or since hit the ball as cleanly, the standard of the opposition wasn't brilliant but I was still ecstatic to finish on 111* of 107 rocks. It was also enjoyable to share a partnership with menace valued at 79...of which he hit nine!!

In the field I took a catch, was involved in a run out and snared three sneaky wickets, happy birthday Mr Wheatley!! After the game we headed to sanctity of the chip shop clubhouse where I was informed that I would be shouting everyone a beer to celebrate my hundred, surely it must be the other way around!? I thought they must have been joking....they weren't!! It was well worth it however and I went to bed that night very pleased with my birthday weekend, it would be one that I wouldn’t be forgetting in a while.

Showing up to work the next day is always a sobering prospect after a weekend like I'd just had and it was back to listening to poms whinge about their over priced auto mobiles failing them. I worked in the Premiere Auto Group section which handled vehicles from such prestigious brands as Aston Martin (the car that James bond chaperoned his sexy lady companions around in), Jaguar and Landrover.

Dealing with the Aston Martin customers was a breeze, when their car broke down it was just a matter of organizing a technician to visit the site. When offered the option of a hire car which was standard in their cover they would simply reply 'nah that's ok, I'll just drive the Merc or the Beamer today.' Wouldn’t it be nice to have the luxury of that kind of money!?

The Jaguar customers were not so pleasant, often a screen would pop up when the phone rang indicating it was a Jaguar customer I would sigh, take up a deep breath and answer the call and more often than not it would be some rude posh twat on the other end of the call!!

These three brands had recently been taken over by the auto group Ford, what we knew and what we were allowed the tell the customers was as interesting as it was frustrating. The standard Jag was essentially a glorified Ford Mondeo with plush leather seats and fancy interior trimmings and as such when their cars broke down our first option for a hire car was of course a Ford Mondeo. Well you can imagine that went down about as well as a cheap King’s Cross prossie.. 'a Ford Mondeo!? Do you know who I am!? I'm Sir Lloyd such and such' or 'I am the Lord of stoke on Trent I'm not driving around in the mediocrity of a Ford Mondeo' what I wanted to say and what I was allowed to say were two starkly contrasting things. 'I think you'll find sir that as a replacement car the Mondeo will provide you with what you require to keep you mobile until we get your vehicle back on the road' is what I had to say.... what I would have preferred to say was 'listen Sir Lloyd twat Lord of the c*+#'s, your ridiculously over priced shit heap is actually a Ford Mondeo that's been pimped up by Xzibit and his homie’s, maybe if you earned a bit more dosh you could afford a real car... Like say.... an Aston Martin!?'

Anyway it provided me an income to enjoy my holiday. I was quickly running out of money after enjoying myself and spending a night in 'For Your Eyes Only' an English exotic dancing establishment which I would normally never be interested in visiting except for the fact that it was co-located with a walk about pub and one Friday night after a few Vb's and extra dry's (it was nice to have an Aussie beer sometimes) I spent 170 pounds (at the time it would have equated to over $400 Australian) on the charming and hospitable dancers therein. There was one rather plump Swedish girl who was trying her best to alleviate me of the money in my wallet and when I politely denied her request she retorted with:

Fatty: That would be right, its true what they say about Australians, your all arrogant wankers!!

Taken aback I gathered myself before replying...

Wheats: Sorry chubby.. Obviously it's not true what they say about Swedish women then"

Fatty: and what's that!?

Wheats: that you're all blonde and hot!!

Needless to say she was not pleased...

The other good thing about work was that it was providing me with some fair dinkum pommy colleagues with which to socialize....