How to Form a Boy Band

Know how to choreograph boys dancing aimlessly in the dessert? You're half way there...

Raking it in...

The Manager - the only real winner out of all this. Paying off his third beach home by exploiting the hormones and vulnerabilities of teenage girls world wide.

The Ladies Man - Think Harry Styles.
Can barely string a note together but has mastered the signature dance move *catch butterfly, draw towards heart and release*. No one cares anyway, not since he plowed his way through most of Hollywood's leading ladies... and John Travolta

Crazy Cat Robbie Williams

The Crazy One - Robbie Williams anyone? These cats usually answer to a one syllable nickname like Oz or Ace. Characteristed by a zany dress sense and off beat dancing. Band mates love to recall crazy anecdotes from their drug fueled escapades:
Band mate: 'Hey Ace remember snorting that line off Amber's tits last night?'
Ace: 'Whose Amber? '
Band mate: 'Ah Ace...  you crazy cat!'

Has a one-way ticket to the Betty Ford clinic.


The Over Expressor - Think Nick Carter. Lays the agonised facial expressions on a little too thick. Would dearly love to be the ladies man but lacks the natural charisma. Popular with the chubbies who they think they're a chance because he's the 'sweet one'.

WTF is this guy?

Creepy Old Dude - Only die-hard fans know him by name and he's heavily dependent on the auto tune when it comes to belting out a few notes.  No-one knows how he got there but he's probably the cousin of the manager. Hanging onto his youth by a thread, he is in this gig to flog this cash cow until Aces drug habit eventually splinters the group.

The White Rapper - Cos that's what you wanna hear - some wigger rapping about love! Mate your no Eminem,  you're not even Vanilla Ice... give it up.

So there you have it - the core members of your band, add in some shit music and gay lyrics about 'eternal love' - rinse and repeat!

Cue the horny teenagers...