Pinching a loaf, laying cable and drowning the Jackson Five... these phrases all resonate strongly for our next nominee.. for when nature calls David Spare is all ears!!
Anyone fortunate enough to have met David knows by now that Sparey and Poo go hand in hand, sometimes unfortunately for him... quite literally. David has been with us only a few short seasons but has already had numerous fecal related incidents during his tenure.
but it is not cricket exclusive.. clearly David has a track record for when the Spares were having drainage issues with the household royal doulton sanctions were imposed on him by Father Spare who insisted that his first born was to immediately cease use of the facility until further notice.. Mumma Spare provided David with a bucket to make do with, along with a hand full of sorbent.
When feeling a turtles head making its exit Davids routine would kick in to gear... urgently collecting his supplies and making way for the tranquility of the family backyard, upon completion of the task our favourite incontinence sufferer would find the nearest storm water drainage and flush Cosby kids down the stream.
It doesnt end there.. when David started the first day of what he hoped would be a long and prosperous career with the regions local rag, the Canberra Times.. he had another call of nature, and this time she called at full roar!!
David excused himself from his work station and feverishly made a beeline for the nearest 'Throne'.. After snapping off one of his finest efforts to date David tidied himself.. satisfied with his efforts David took one final look at his handy work before hitting the flush button.. satisfaction soon turned to dismay when Sparey realised this was one turd that wasnt going down without a fight!!
Many options went through Davids head in the following minutes but having been witnessed by many of his new colleagues using the toilets he knew he couldnt walk out leaving this 'floater'
Given to a lack of tools at his disposal, Sparey covered his big right mit in as much toilet paper as possible and guided the stubborn log round the S bend.
Needless to say David ate left handed for the duration of his employment.
Last and not least..
David spent an evening on good chums Jordan Smith front lawn after a night of heavy drinking.. not wanting to wake up the Smiths with his voilent chunder, he decided the best place to make his delivery was next to Smiths letter box.. When questioned about his suprise package next to the mailbox Mr Smith simply replied 'Im just glad it wasnt a poo!!'
Nominee number two ... Is David Spare!!
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